


Welcome to the Fire

by CCAAT_box



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Attempt at Humor, Crushes, Friendship, Haruno Sakura Being An Asshole, Multi, Uchiha Sasuke Being an Asshole, Uzumaki Naruto Being an Idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:48:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26212924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CCAAT_box/pseuds/CCAAT_box
Summary: Naruto doesn't know if having a non-existent gaydar is a solid reason to fire someone on their first day, but he's going to keep it a secret from Jiraiya—his carefree employer—just in case.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	Welcome to the Fire

**Author's Note:**

> Finding this on my drive today and realizing I never posted it was a fun experience, so I decided to post it, haha.

Naruto doesn't know what he expected.

When he opened the coffee shop for the first time earlier this morning, of course he knew that there would be no celebration, no fanfare, no reporters talking into their big silly microphones about how Naruto Uzumaki, age 20, homeless until 13 years old, illiterate until 15 years old, got a job—his very own job!—in a coffee shop a street across a well-known college campus. In his mind, he knew that wouldn't happen. But he's nothing if not an optimist, so when he hasn't gotten a single customer in the first three hours, it hurt. He briefly considered calling it a day, going home—he also has a home now, how about that?—and cry in the shower until lunch.

He is certainly no quitter though, and so he stays.

While waiting for that hypothetical first customer (sure, Iruka came by as soon as he opened at 7 in the morning, but he doesn't count), Naruto spends his time cleaning an already sparkling countertop and humming along to the lo-fi playlist he put on. He's just about to change the music to something he can actually sing along to and almost misses the soft _cling_ of the bell signalling the door opening.

He tells himself internally to play it cool as he smiles the biggest, toothiest grin he can manage. "Good morning!" he says brightly.

The young girl who just entered spares him a quick glance and focuses on the coffee selection above his head. "Is it though," she replies absent mindedly.

Naruto… doesn't know what to say to that. He instead inspects her inconspicuously while he moves to pretend to clean the coffee maker.

The first thing that grabs his attention is the bubblegum pink hair, tied haphazardly into a bun at the top of her head. The second (and arguably more important) thing that grabs his attention are the black circles underneath the girl's eyes. Final verdict? Naruto decides that she's cute, chronic insomnia or no chronic insomnia.

She keeps staring above his head without moving her glazed eyes.

Naruto clears his throat. "What can I get you?"

The girl flinches as if she's forgotten where she is. She finally looks at him; straight into his eyes. "Something," she says slowly, "that you assume could give me diabetes."

He blinks. "O—Okay," he stutters out. "So, like, I can make you an iced latte? With vanilla ice-cream and whipped cream and caramel on top—"

She snaps her fingers with both hands. "Sold!" she exclaims and goes to sit down into an unassuming corner seat.

Naruto wastes another ten seconds processing what the hell just happened and then quickly gets to work. _What on earth was that?_ he muses while waiting for the coffeemaker. So his first customer ended up being a cute weird girl, so what? At least she's a customer. A coffee and sugar addict, clearly, but a customer still. He will not look a gift horse in the mouth.

He brings her the coffee when he's done, and as she thanks him quietly, he doesn't fail to notice that in front of her sits a thick book with the words _An Introduction to Surgery_ on the cover. It has to be 700 pages, minimum.

 _Introduction my ass_ , he thinks to himself as he goes back to the counter.

He decides to send a quick text to Iruka.

_[Naruto: 1st customer today!]_

Iruka sends him back a sticker of a dolphin giving a thumbs up. Like the fucking relic he is. Who even uses stickers anymore? It puts a smile on Naruto's face.

Another _cling_ echoes through the shop and Naruto looks up to see—an actual relic? Well, no, the man looks fairly young, but his hair is gray. And he's wearing a face mask for some reason. Naruto finds that hard to miss.

"Morning!" he exclaims with another big grin.

"Good morning," the man answers amicably, and hey, maybe he won't turn out to be a complete weirdo. "This place is new," he notes.

"It is! We opened today."

The man hums non-committally.

"Can I get you something?" Naruto says with a vague gesture in the menu's direction.

"Coffee."

Naruto's laughter dies on his lips. The man doesn't look like he's joking. The corner of his eye crinkles and Naruto assumes it means he's smiling, but no more detail is offered. "What—what kind of coffee?" Naruto asks, his smile a little bit forced now.

Another hum. "Black."

He has to fight back a frustrated groan. "Sure, _okay_ , but like, an espresso, or with more water, like an americano...?"

The man places both of his hands on the counter and leans forward. Naruto leans back. All traces of a smile are gone now from both of their faces. "The more, the better," the man says gravely at last.

Naruto gulps as the man—presumably—smiles again and goes to take a seat closest to the counter. Naruto can't shake off the feeling he's just been tested. Why and on what, he has no clue. "Whatever," he mumbles under his breath and goes to make a plain americano. This college campus is full of bat-shit crazy people.

Another person comes in before Naruto manages to finish the coffee. What, _now_ there's traffic? Where was this energy three hours ago?

He's turned away, pouring the coffee into a cup that he hopes the previous customer will consider big enough, and says: "Hi, hello, I'll be right with you, gimme a sec."

"Hm," is his answer. It almost makes Naruto turn around. He doesn't, because he's been told he is a health hazard while handling hot drinks, so he can't afford the distraction. Really, though, no greeting? Just a grunt? With his luck, he's probably going to turn around and the person will be yet another fucking weirdo—

He turns around.

Yep. Another weirdo it is.

Naruto hands the drink to the man sitting close to him and faces the new guy properly.

As far as weirdness goes, this particular new guy takes the cake so far, at least appearance-wise. Black hair, black eyes, black clothes, black eyeliner and—black nail polish, really, how much more extra can one person get? Every visible part of his hands, fingers included, is covered in tattoos. And his ears are pierced. As well as his nose. _Of course_.

And he's scowling as if Naruto's very presence personally offended him. Oh, joy.

"Sorry 'bout that, what would'ya like?" he asks and immediately has to bite down a colorful curse. He's messing up his pronunciation again. He doesn't think anyone could blame him though, the dude is scary as all hell.

"An americano," he spits out, and Naruto thinks that'll be it and he'll just go sit down, but no, he goes on. "Double shot of espresso. Four hundred milliliters of water, one hundred and fifty milliliters of soy milk. No sugar—"

Naruto can't help himself. "Hey, y'know, wanna tell me how many coffee beans you want me to grind while you're at it?" he interrupts. He's equal parts annoyed and amused by this vegan emo hipster boy.

The scowl, which softened slightly while the boy was speaking, comes back full force. Apart from that, his left eyebrow does a funny thing, and some color appears on his death pale face. "Hm," he says again, the gall of him, and head for a corner seat—as far away from the other three people in the room as he can, clearly—without another word.

Naruto is speechless, which he doesn't think has happened to him in years, maybe ever.

As he ransacks the drawers for some measuring cups (don't judge him for going along with it, he's a people pleaser), the girl suddenly shows up at the counter again. She looks much more awake now.

She does a weird clicking sound with her mouth and beckons for him to come closer. "Hey, dude," she whispers. Naruto is pretty sure she's blushing. Why would she be blushing? Oh god, he's being asked out by a cute weird girl on the first day of his new job. What's the protocol in these situations? Who knows, certainly not Naruto.

When he doesn't answer, she continues: "Could you do me a favour?"

"Anything," he says quickly. Too quickly, judging by her puzzled expression.

"That guy," she says with a jerk of her head, "is _really_ hot, can you put his coffee in a to-go cup so I can scribble something cute on it? Or ask for his number?"

Naruto opens his mouth. He closes it again. He looks at the emo guy, and back at the girl. "Huh," he lets out at last.

The gray-haired relic snorts into his cup, presumably overhearing their conversation.

"Uh, sure, yeah!" he exclaims, mostly due to shock rather than actually agreeing. Is this a normal situation? Is this what happens in real life? Who knows, Naruto once again certainly does _not_. "Wait a minute, the coffee's almost done."

"Great, you're the best." She smiles sweetly at him. "Just get me his number, yeah?"

"Yeah? Yes," he says hesitantly. She turns around to go sit back down. "Wait, what?" he mutters. He has no idea what has just transpired. He was under the assumption that _she_ would be the one writing on the cup, but clearly not. Naruto doesn't know any cute pick-up lines. Maybe he could google some. Then again, that would mean he was putting way too much effort into this.

He frowns in the emo guy's direction. Who does he think he is? He comes into the coffee shop, wooing Naruto's very first customer, one Naruto actually kind of _liked_... What a dick.

He makes the coffee according to his instructions anyway.

Because he has no dignity.

Deciding not to overthink it, he writes a very simple message onto the plastic cup. Minimalistic, if you will. And not only because he's lazy, but also so there are fewer opportunities to make spelling mistakes.

_[ur number? x _____ ]_

"Hmm," Naruto says with pursed lips. That sounds too casual.

_[your number? x _____ ]_

Now it's perfect, in his humble opinion.

He makes it into a quick stealth mission. Wait for the guy to focus on his phone—drop the cup on his corner table—slide back behind the counter and—

There. Mission accomplished. Don't let anyone say that Naruto goes back on his word.

He goes back to pretending to clean the nearest surface and observes his target discreetly. The guy takes a sip of the coffee without really inspecting it and makes a surprised little face at the taste. Huh, so maybe Naruto did a good job. Anyway, he notices the writing a second later and almost pours the drink all over himself as he flinches. It's honestly kind of endearing. Not the point. The point is, he takes out a pen from his pocket and scribbles something on the cup. He doesn't look at the girl who's been batting his eyelashes at him for the past minute, but Naruto will count that as a win.

The girl gives up on making faces at him and instead flashes Naruto a grin and a thumbs up. He smiles back.

The emo boy chugs the americano—all 550 ml of it—so he must be eager.

Naruto shrugs with a chuckle and goes to take the cup away. The guys avoids eye contact like the plague. Naruto means to give the number—and it really is a number, he checked—to the girl, of course, but when he's halfway to her table, a choked cry stops him.

He turns around to see the emo guy standing up. "Hold—hold on," he says with a pained expression. "Who's the number for?"

Naruto's brain refuses to provide him with words, so he's grateful when the girl stands up as well and speaks. "Me, duh. Who else?"

"I'm gay."

The gray-haired man laughs, loudly. Naruto kind of wants to join him and kind of wants to sob. "Wait, so you thought...?" he says, trailing off, now wearing a similar pained expression.

"Well, obviously!"

Naruto feels the blood rush to his face. Brilliant. What a brilliant way to top off this shit-show of a day. "Sorry?"

" _Sorry_ my ass!" the girl says angrily. "Did you not write my name on there or something?"

"Sorry! I don't know your name!" he tells the girl and whips his head back to the guy. "She's the only girl here, I thought it was obvious, y'know?!"

The guy snorts with disdain. "That's so heteronormative."

Naruto stares at him blankly. "I dunno what that means even." After a small pause, he adds: "Sorry."

"You're a dumbass."

He really doesn't know what to say now, because another 'sorry' would be too awkward, but it turns out he doesn't have to, because they both storm out of the shop, fumble a bit on the street when it looks like they might be going the same way, and leave in opposite directions.

Naruto clenches the empty cup in his hand.

 _What the fuck_ , he mouths silently.

The only remaining customer breaks him out of his shell-shocked reverie. "Can I pay now?"

Something clicks in Naruto's brain. "Fuck!" he exclaims. _Those two didn't even pay!_

The masked man raises an eyebrow at him.

"Sorry, sorry, you wanna pay? I'll be right there," Naruto says sheepishly and throws the cup into a trash can on his way to the counter.

The man tips him quite generously and adds: "I left you a five star review on Yelp."

"Uh, thanks?"

The man shrugs with a smile. "You're welcome."

Well, if the man really was testing him, he hopes that means he passed. He whips out his phone to see if he left an actual review.

_[Kakashi Hatake: The barista's gaydar is non-existent. 10/10]_

Naruto doesn't know if having a non-existent gaydar is a solid reason to fire someone on their first day, but he's going to keep it a secret from Jiraiya—his carefree employer—just in case.

* * *

_[Sakura Haruno added Sasuke Uchiha to the conversation "3 idiots"]_

_[Sakura Haruno added Naruto Uzumaki to the conversation "3 idiots"]_

_[Sakura: heyyyy this is the rude idiot from yesterday]_

_[Sakura: i ran into sasuke (the other rude idiot from yesterday) today at campus and bullied him into apologizing with me]_

_[Sakura: so i'm really sorry about what happened! i know it's no excuse, but i had been awake for 30+ hours by that point because of a night shift, so i guess my brain malfuctioned]_

_[Naruto: its ok lol]_

_[Sakura: sasuke it's your turn now]_

_[Sakura: sasuke]_

_[Naruto: its whatever]_

_[Sakura: SASUKE UCHIHA]_

_[Sasuke: Sorry, jesus fuck]_

_[Naruto: omg]_

_[Naruto: cute but you fellas still havent paid yknow]_

_[Sakura: :( ]_

_[Sasuke: So you noticed, huh]_

_[Sakura: we'll come by tmr, sorry again]_

_[Sasuke: I have better things to do]_

_[Naruto: do u?]_

_[Sakura: no you don't]_

_[Sasuke: Shut up, both of you]_

_[Sasuke: I'll be there at 11]_

_[Sakura: yay! see you guys tmr then]_

_[Naruto: its a date lol]_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


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